Several friends have resisted the labeling of my current crisis as mid-life, but I feel that has more to do with their being the same age as me and less to do with the phrase not being accurate. Call it what you like - I am definitely in it. I am one husband that I can cheat on away from the stereotype. (Good thing I had the convertible already.)
I am not sure the exact thing that started it. I suspect it was just a mixture of the right set of ingredients at an ideal time to produce the perfect crisis. Begin with a VERY difficulty operation, add in a difficult post-operative course, a lot of late night operating, a few transplants, minimal sleep and three straight weeks of work. Once blended well, fold in a handful of friends all with way cooler lives and then place into a pre-heated oven. That wonderful aroma you smell - a midlife crisis.
It only took one bite for me to realize my life sucks. I have a job that I'm not sure I'm good at doing. I live in a city that I don't love surrounded by doctors. My family and friends are all thousands of miles away living really cool lives. And they are good at living their lives. They balance work and play. They are awesome parents. They are Presidents of their companies. They are self-employed and get to work at home. They have play dates and dinner dates. They go on trips and vacations. They move to Germany. At the end of the day, they seem to make a difference. They are living their dreams and it seems to be everything they imaged it could be. They have control and are enjoying it.
I know the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but it really doesn't feel like a case of "greener" to me. I feel that my side of the pasture is covered in mud and anything would be better. I need to do something to shake things up. I am sick of the status quo so I need to figure out how to change it. I have to take risks and get out of my box. Not sure what exactly I want to do yet, but I'm thinking about it. May take a nap first . . . but I'm thinking.
