You really are what you eat

I have a confession. This past June, I was a little stressed out about this whole move to a new city - start a new job thing. Therefore, as I am oft to due in a time of emotional turmoil, I turned to french fries. I am not going to lie and say that I have eaten perfect for the last four years, but I will say that my strays from the straight and narrow road have been minimal - and usually involve french fries. I had gained about 10 lbs back from the original 60 that I lost, but overall, I was doing okay. I always had plans to lose another 20 (I never got to my "perfect" weight the first time), but overall I was comfortable with my body.

This particular stray was different from the rest. It set off an emotional trigger somewhere in my head. I didn't stop with my one trip to McDonald's. I began a three and a half month tribute to eating crap, and believe me in a city known for less than healthy food, I had plenty of opportunity. I am not sure why I didn't stop. The light bulb moment finally came when I needed "real" clothes two weeks ago to wear to clinic, and struggled to find something that fit. I stepped on a scale - something that I had steadfastly avoided since moving here - and was appalled.

Needless to say, I am back on the straight and narrow. This is where my frustration comes into play. Now I am a little frustrated that the weight comes off at my age a lot less slowly that it goes on. (I know metabolisms slow down, but I am starting to think that mine is on permanent sabbatical. ) I am also a little frustrated that I let things get to this stage - 5-10 lbs is one thing - 20 lbs is quite different - particularly at 5'2".

However, my biggest frustration is my memory loss. I so easily forget how normal feels. When I eat as if I actually went to medical school and took a nutrition class, I don't just feel "healthier" - I feel better. It is easier to get out of bed in the morning. It is easier to go to the gym. I take the stairs at work on purpose. I have better skin. I sleep better. I all around have more energy, and with my schedule that truly makes a difference. How could I forget this feeling and settle for feeling like the crap that I was eating? I am supposed to be smarter than that right? Well, I am feeling good again and have lost 5 lbs - slower than I would like, but I'll take it. I still have a ways to go, but am confident that I will get there. I have even run twice this week. Stay tuned for updates.

P.S. Blessed and Happy New Year for my friends to which that statement makes since.

Explanation please

Okay - I really don't understand guys. I mean quite honestly they make no sense. The source of my latest confusion - guys flirting. I have complained to most of you in the past about how I seem to attract the most male attention when I am post call. There seems to be something about my the purple bags under my eyes, unwashed hair and day old scrubs that really turn guys on. It has never failed in all my years of surgery that I get way more male attention post call than not. I have explained this in my head as guys like the vulnerable look. I have seen myself post call - the kindest thing than can be said for me is that I look in need of help.

Now, it is starting to happen to me when I am not post call, but SO not trying to look cute. Take this morning for example. I was up late last night watching the debate and post debate spin, so at 7:30 this morning when I woke up and could not go back to sleep - I decided to head to Starbuck's for a nice pumpkin latte. I threw on sweatpants, long sleeve shirt and a baseball cap. I think I ran a brush thru my hair, but would not swear to it in a court of law. I was not dressing to impress - I wanted a cup of coffee and a scone. As I leave my building two different men I pass on the street say hello. Not uncommon back home, but no one here in Philly speaks on the street. No one is that friendly. When I get to one of the four Starbuck's within two blocks of my house I order my drink and scone and then become engaged in a 5 minute conversation with the cute barista while he is warming my scone. I sit at a table by the window with a newspaper when another customer asks to see my sports page. This ended up turning into another flirting session.

Don't get me wrong - I am not complaining that cute and in 3 of the 4 situations younger guys flirted with me today. I am not that stupid. What I don't understand is why no guys ever flirt with me when I make an effort. Until recently, I would have argued that I have relatively cute taste in clothes and can pull a look together that looks fairly presentable, but maybe not. Maybe I am one of those women who belong on What Not to Wear and just don't know it. There has to be some reason that when I look horrible guys want to talk to me, but I can't attract any man under 70 when I try. Am I missing something????

Maybe I do have a problem

So we all know that I LOVE to shop. I shop for many reasons. I think first and foremost it is a stress reliever for me. When I am in a store looking at pretty things, I can forget whatever is wrong in my world for that amount of time. I shop for companionship. Some of the best times I have ever spent with my girlfriends involved shopping. It is not all about the shopping itself, but it is the fun of spending time with your friends. I shop for sport. I get a thrill with putting a really cute outfit together at a bargain. Regardless of the reasons I shop, I at least recall what I buy - or at least I thought I did.

This morning as I was getting ready for work, I walked into my closet for shoes. Clinic day - so I had to actually wear real clothes. I was looking for black heels and clearly saw in my head my black heels. I flew past two boxes labeled open toe black heels, several pair of black heel sandals, and saw the box labeled black heels. Imagine my surprise when I opened the box and saw a pair of shoes that I would have sworn that I had never seen. I am not kidding. Not only do I not remember wearing these shoes, I have no idea where or when I might have bought them. They were wickedly cute, and look like shoes that I would buy, but I honestly can not recall buying them.

I have never fogotten shoes - I can vividly describe my shoes at a moments notice. I have forgotten clothes before - but usually when I see them I have the "oh yeah" moment. I remember where or when I bought it. (Usually involves some great sale and my friends Kris or Jackie.) This is the first time that I can not conjure any memories. Maybe I have reached the point of my addiction where I am having black outs. I wonder what else I may have bought that trip? I guess rehab is next for me. Oh well, I will be like Britney and avoid it for now. I have a Presidential debate to watch.

Post Call

I am just getting home - post call and last night sucked. So, here is as good as I have - although my Wild Words from Wild Women calendar is incredibly situation appropriate at times.

"There are no shortcuts to anyplace worth going." Beverly Sills

Move over Gracie - I need a nap

I have never been a napper. I started sleeping through the night at an early age according to my mom, but even as a baby I didn't like sleeping during the day. I was the kid that always got in trouble during nap time in school. I didn't want to miss anything by going to sleep, and if I was awake why couldn't I talk to everyone else right? My teachers failed to see the logic in this, but I think I was just ahead of my time.

In college, most of my friends would take naps in the afternoon. Jackie could sleep 18 our of 24 hours and still complain about her schedule. I didn't get it. I always had other stuff I wanted to do, and didn't want to waste any of my precious time sleeping. Even during my surgical residency I wasn't a big napper. When I would get home post call I would force myself to stay awake until 7 or 8 and then just have an early night. I always felt that sleeping during the day just throw off my schedule.

Well, my body seems to have decided it has some nap catching up to do. During the past year, and particularly the past 6 months, I get incredibly and sometimes inexplicably sleepy in the middle of the afternoon. It seems to have nothing to do with how much or little sleep I get. When 1 or 2 o'clock rolls around, I start yawning and looking for a blankie. I can indulge these strange cravings on the weekend, but it is a little hard to take a nap in the middle of my work day. They frown upon snoring in the operating room. Aging is weird. Hopefully, like the terrible two's this is just a faze that I will outgrown. In the meantime - scoot over Gracie, Aunt Tammy needs a nap too.

Perfect Fall Day

Fall has come to Philly, and let me tell you it is fabulous. I decided yesterday to turn off my air conditioner and open my windows. Therefore, I was awakened this morning to the sounds of the city waking up with a crisp and cold bite to the air. I snuggled into my covers and listened for a while. It is amazing what you can hear in a city if you really listen. Once up, I had a quick breakfast and then headed out. I dropped off some dry cleaning and decided to walk around downtown. The weather was perfection defined. It was cold enough for long sleeves, but not uncomfortable.

I was wearing my Obama t-shirt and ended up having quite a few interesting conversations. I may have finally hit on how to get people in this town to be friendly on the street. I picked up some coffee and heated to Rittenhouse square (Central park Philly style) near my apartment. They were having a fine arts festival and I was able to spend some time walking around looking at some truly amazing paintings. If only it were a year from now and I had a house - I would have spent some serious dough on wall art.

After finishing the festival, I walked across the street to Barnes and Noble. I truly LOVE book stores. I may have my mother to blame for my bad eyesight, inability for a truly flat stomach, and big ankles, but she made it all better by giving me a true love of reading. I smile just walking up and down the aisles looking at the books. I ended up buying the latest book on Oprah's book club - The Story of Edgar Sawtelle.

Now, I end up reading a lot of Oprah's book club books. She likes slightly more depressing books than my personal taste, but many of them have been quite good. I have never actually bought the book that was currently on the list. It just seems so drone like - you know I never want to be like everyone else. However, she made this book sound so amazing I couldn't wait to see for myself. It is only available in hardback, and I never buy books in hardback - mostly because I read so much that it would be cost prohibitive, but also because I actually like the ease and portability of paperback. None the less, I bought it and several other books that will probably take me years to actually get around to reading, but I am living for the life I wish I had not the one I am living.

After the bookstore, I picked up a bagel from my favorite shop for lunch and headed home. I had lunch did a load of laundry and then headed to the gym. After a workout, I took a quick shower and inadvertently a short nap. Once I woke up, I grabbed a blanket and headed back to the Square. I spent the rest of the afternoon reading and people watching. Once dusk set in I headed back home and had a nice dinner. I am going to catch a movie on TV and call it a night. All in all this was pretty close to a perfect day for me. Many more days like this, and you may not be able to get me out of the City come July.

My mom was right again

On many occasions during the last several years, my mom has pointed out to me that I have great friends. (Most recently when Bassam and Kris helped my parents move my stuff while I was safely ensconced here in Philly). She feels that often I forget how lucky I am or probably more accurately take for granted what a great group of friends. I disagree, respectively of course, that I forget. However, I may take it for granted.

Therefore, I am making a conscious effort to try to be better. You guys have never let me down. My recent hair debacle is the perfect example. Really great friends will tell you that a horrible cut is really cute when they know that is what you desperately need to hear. Thank You. Really great friends make your crappy job seem more interesting and beneficial. Thank You. Really great friends remind you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and they even convince you that it is not the train that you secretly know is coming. Thank You. Really great friends will convince you that Mr Right is still out there, and that you didn't miss him one night on call. Thank You.

I am very blessed to have such wonderful friends in my life. I just want you all to know that I do realize how lucky I really am to have all of you to keep me sane.