The Non Diet

Despite my big plan to stop obsessing about my age, and start working on my weight - truth was that I had no idea how to do it.  As many of you know, I have tried every diet on the planet, and I mean everything.  I have calorie restricted, low carb'ed, amped up protein, gone Paleo, gone Gluten free, tried vegetarian, vegan.  I have tried shakes, meal replacements and even a cleanse (that one I will never ever do again.)  Nothing has worked for me, unless you mean leaving me hungry and grumpy.  So, I was at somewhat of a loss despite my renewed dedication to "healthy" living.

Cue Karma.  As last week went by, I was still floundering around for ideas.  Then almost magically when I woke up Thursday morning, I had an email waiting from my friend and old trainer.  She was checking in, and recommended that I try a new book and blog site that she has been reading.  She is very well aware of my long diet history, and was an upfront witness for many of the failures.  She had recently come across a book by Matt Stone.  It is basically the No Diet diet book.  I've now spent the entire weekend reading it and perusing websites about the concept.  I'm convinced enough to try it.

The idea is to have no food group off limits.  There are no restrictions about how much of each food or strange balances.  I eat when I'm hungry and don't eat when I'm not hungry - novel thought.  The idea is to disassociate guilt and eating.  Food should be used for nourishment and comfort - not for rewards or punishment.  This part may be a little difficult for me as I have a running tally in my head of good vs evil food.  However, I like the idea.  I like the idea of sitting down for a meal, and eating what appeals to me - not what I think I should eat.  According to the book, it's not uncommon to "go a little crazy" and gorge on traditionally "bad" foods.  However, the idea is that once they are no longer off limits, and you have "eaten your fill", then your body naturally goes back to a fairly balanced way of eating.

Hmmm - here goes nothing.

Karma

I've mentioned this before, but I'm a huge believer in Karma.  I strongly believe that you eventually get back what you put out there.  The key word in that sentence is eventually.  However, topic for another post.  The Karma that I speak of today is the one that puts people or events in your life exactly when needed.  Despite my grand plans from last weekend, life did not work out exactly as planned this week.  As I was starting to spiral back into my feelings of hopelessness, a friend emailed me out of the blue.  Her email was exactly what I needed to get back on track.  Details to follow.

Don't ask

We will call today a fail and end this post here.

Idle Weekend

Idle Weekend?  Ever had one of those weekends where you felt like you spent the whole weekend running around, but end up with nothing to show for it?  My weekend in a nutshell.

Saturday was a lot of putting Plan B into action.  I needed a few things to get me back on the "workout" train.  First off I needed (yes I said needed) new workout clothes.  Nothing says get your butt to the gym like new workout clothes.  Next, I needed a goal dress.  You know the dress that doesn't even attempt to hide your flaws - the in your face this body is rockin dress?  It is now hanging on my bathroom door where I have to walk past it every day.  Luckily all of the running around helped me get in a lot of steps and then a quick walk around the beach finished off my exercise for the day.  Food was also clean even with the on the go part.

Sunday started with quick rounds and then off to the grocery store - in Naples.  Okay, most people don't drive 2 hours for a grocery store, but they have a Trader Joe's in Naples.  (As an aside, our Trader Joe's which was to open in July has now been pushed to September.)  Every three or four months, a friend and I drive over to Naples and stock up - it's amazing how many things one can only find at a Trader Joe's.  Unfortunately our other Naples ritual is Sonic (yet another thing we don't have here).  No "healthy" options there, but kept it good the rest of the day.

Now need to go slather on some After Sun - convertible, two hour drive, no sunscreen is not a pretty site - and head to bed.  Hoping to get up early for a quick run before work.

Plan B

Supposedly, admitting you have a problem is the first step.  Consider this my admission.  Defining the problem - now that's a harder issue.  (Don't worry no drug or alcohol issues - it hasn't gotten that bad yet.)  I started this year with such high hopes and expectations.  Sadly only four months into 2013, I have been feeling ready to concede.

Have you ever realized that you were acting completing irrationally or self-destructively, and yet been unable to stop the behavior?  Welcome to my world as of late.  I have chosen to blame my upcoming 40th birthday, but recognize that a random Saturday in April is not the real culprit.  I hate to be trite and trot out some psycho babble about dissatisfaction or recognition of mortality, but something is certainly not right at the moment.  What is even less clear to me is how to fix it.

Clearly what I have been doing isn't working.  Unless of course you consider 30 lbs, insomnia, severe mood swings and adult onset acne a success story.  I don't.  At present I can't wear anything in my closet, and am rapidly losing friends from my perpetual grumpy state.  Not exactly how I wanted to enter my 40th year.

It wish I could conclude this post with my great plan to "fix it".  I don't have a grand plan, but I do know something about myself.  I like goals.  I need something to work toward - a tangible target. (I'm also hoping that finding something else to fixate upon will distract me from my present mind set.)

Therefore, I'm picking my weight.  I am giving myself the next four months to lose 30 lbs, and am going to use this blog as a place for accountability and to chart my progress.  As of this morning, I am approximately 30 lbs from a realistic weight for me to maintain.  I have fallen into some bad eating habits and have no aerobic capacity at the moment - so this seems like a good place to start.  Stay tuned for tomorrow where I will recap Day 1.