The dictionary defines the word complications as something that introduces, usually unexpectedly, some difficulty, problem, change, etc.
I am not a fan of unexpected. I am a planner - always have been. I like to know what is coming next and when it is coming. I am a surgeon so I am used to difficult, but I find that I don't like difficulties. There is a distinct difference there. Don't even get me started on problems.
As you can probably guess, I am currently dealing with an unexpected difficulty at work currently. Said problem is why I am still sitting in my office at 7:45 on a Friday evening. It is not that part that bothers me so, though perhaps that speaks volumes about my dating life.
What bothers me most about complications - proof that I am not perfect. And I try so hard to be.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Glory Days
Many of a rough day of training was survived by imagining the "Glory days" of being an Attending. Big salary, better hours, less stress, more control - all things for which I could look forward. Boy was I delusional. At least as a fellow, I would have gone home several times the last few weeks for hours violations.
Last Thursday I came home at 11pm, made a quick dinner, sat on the couch to eat, and my next conscious thought was at 6:47 am Friday morning. I woke up on my couch, still in my scrubs with my dinner still on the coffee table - untouched.
Tonight I finally got home before 9pm. How am I celebrating you might ask? I'm getting ready for bed. The heating pad is warming as I brush my teeth with the smell of Icy Hot still in the air. Oh, these are the Glory Days.
Last Thursday I came home at 11pm, made a quick dinner, sat on the couch to eat, and my next conscious thought was at 6:47 am Friday morning. I woke up on my couch, still in my scrubs with my dinner still on the coffee table - untouched.
Tonight I finally got home before 9pm. How am I celebrating you might ask? I'm getting ready for bed. The heating pad is warming as I brush my teeth with the smell of Icy Hot still in the air. Oh, these are the Glory Days.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Losing My Zen
What a difference a week makes. One week ago today I felt fantastic. I was rested, relaxed - in a word rejuvenated. I felt ready to conquer the world. . . . Turns out the world wasn't quite ready to be conquered. It fought back, and hard.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Best. Trip. Ever.
Please disregard my prior entry. I no longer have any feelings of guilt regarding my recent Canyon Ranch experience. As a matter of fact, I am already ready to commit to a stay there next year. I now firmly believe that spending a week concentrating on nothing but yourself should be mandatory for . . . well everyone.
We arrived at the airport and was met by a driver who came equipped with a "little" snack of pita wraps, carrot sticks, apples, and homemade granola bars for the car ride home, but "not enough to spoil dinner". Things only got better from there. With an idyllic setting deep in the Berkshires, fantastic staff, a loaded gym with amazing trainers, a world renown chef and "hot" days in the mid-80's, they had me at hello.
This was way before I even had my first massage.
Did I mention that I had more than one massage, or did I brag about the undereye bag eliminating facial that I was willing to fly back to Massachusetts to repeat regularly when I learned that it was offered here at the Canyon Ranch Miami Beach? Perhaps I should tell you about the detoxifying ritual that involved scrubs, clay, and oil that felt like a little slice of heaven.
Don't get me wrong, the exercise classes were hard. Can we discuss 45 straight minutes of squats and lunges in a class aptly titled - Rock Bottom. Or perhaps the 45 minutes of crunches and planks titled - Melt your Midline. And I would recommend to no one 45 minutes on a TRX - it is a great piece of gym equipment, but only when used in moderation. However, the trainers were all so funny and motivating that you smiled as you worked through the pain. {In full disclosure, however, after 4-6 hours of daily exercising - my body is now hurting in places that I'm not even sure I learned in Medical school.}
I was even educated. I had my flexibility and posture analyzed, and learned that perhaps always skipping the calf stretches after running is bad. Turns out I have almost no ankle flexibility, and much of my hip stiffness is related to my super tight gastrocnemius and soleus muscles. Unfortunately this also puts me at danger of an Achilles tendon injury. I also learned that when standing I lock my knees which causes my pelvis to tilt forward anteriorly. This contributes to my hip tightness, over time can cause scoliosis, and worst of all pushes out my belly causing it to appear even larger. Needless to say, that is one problem I corrected VERY quickly.
Best of all, despite my travel woes (2 hours parked on a runway in ATL), I came back feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world - or at least my little corner of it. I would highly recommend it to everyone, and don't be surprised if you bump into me at the gym while you are there.
We arrived at the airport and was met by a driver who came equipped with a "little" snack of pita wraps, carrot sticks, apples, and homemade granola bars for the car ride home, but "not enough to spoil dinner". Things only got better from there. With an idyllic setting deep in the Berkshires, fantastic staff, a loaded gym with amazing trainers, a world renown chef and "hot" days in the mid-80's, they had me at hello.
This was way before I even had my first massage.
Did I mention that I had more than one massage, or did I brag about the undereye bag eliminating facial that I was willing to fly back to Massachusetts to repeat regularly when I learned that it was offered here at the Canyon Ranch Miami Beach? Perhaps I should tell you about the detoxifying ritual that involved scrubs, clay, and oil that felt like a little slice of heaven.
Don't get me wrong, the exercise classes were hard. Can we discuss 45 straight minutes of squats and lunges in a class aptly titled - Rock Bottom. Or perhaps the 45 minutes of crunches and planks titled - Melt your Midline. And I would recommend to no one 45 minutes on a TRX - it is a great piece of gym equipment, but only when used in moderation. However, the trainers were all so funny and motivating that you smiled as you worked through the pain. {In full disclosure, however, after 4-6 hours of daily exercising - my body is now hurting in places that I'm not even sure I learned in Medical school.}
I was even educated. I had my flexibility and posture analyzed, and learned that perhaps always skipping the calf stretches after running is bad. Turns out I have almost no ankle flexibility, and much of my hip stiffness is related to my super tight gastrocnemius and soleus muscles. Unfortunately this also puts me at danger of an Achilles tendon injury. I also learned that when standing I lock my knees which causes my pelvis to tilt forward anteriorly. This contributes to my hip tightness, over time can cause scoliosis, and worst of all pushes out my belly causing it to appear even larger. Needless to say, that is one problem I corrected VERY quickly.
Best of all, despite my travel woes (2 hours parked on a runway in ATL), I came back feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world - or at least my little corner of it. I would highly recommend it to everyone, and don't be surprised if you bump into me at the gym while you are there.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Guilt
Several of my Jewish friends seem to think their mothers have the market on guilt, I respectfully beg to differ. My Southern mother has been pretty facile using it as a weapon for quite some time now. Guilt has been a factor in many of a personal decision since a very early age. Guilt has forced me to be more honest, kinder, giving, prayerful and more likely to call my mother every few days. At the end of the day, perhaps this is what guilt is supposed to do - make us better people. (I guess one could argue a truly good person wouldn't need guilt, but I've never claimed to be a truly good person.)
I am currently experiencing guilt of a whole new variety - consumerism/selfishness guilt. I have both consumed a lot and been very selfish in my day, so unsure why the guilt is just catching up with me. Perhaps it is the current degree of self-indulgence that is igniting the flame of guilt.
I leave tomorrow for a 6 day / 5 night stay at Canyon Ranch - the one in the Berkshires. For the entire week, I get to work-out, eat healthy, relax with a friend, and partake of "spa treatments". I have three different massages, a full body wrap, a facial and an aerial adventure trip scheduled already. I am also planning to do a hike, kayak trip and paddle boarding.
While there is a huge part of me that thinks this sounds like a little piece of heaven, there is another part of me that is having intense feelings of guilt. It is so bad that I have been incredibly vague about my plans here at work. I am pretty sure that everyone here thinks that I am going away for a romantic week at a B&B with Carl. (Yes - I giggle every time they mention it.) When I am finally pinned down to specifics, I find myself lowering my head and muttering - as if I am ashamed.
It can't be about the money, because quite honestly I haven't had a moment of guilt about my Louboutin shoes and they cost waaay more than a massage - or three. Is it the pure decadence of it that seems wrong to me? Are my Puritanical Anglican roots balking at the idea of spending that much attention on myself? Why can't they rear their head in the shoe and handbag departments at Neiman's?
Guilt or not - I leave tomorrow at noon. Cell phones and other modern communication technology are strictly forbidden except for the privacy of our rooms, so I will be going "off the grid" for the next week. Hope to come back well rested, refreshed and with a little less guilt baggage.
I am currently experiencing guilt of a whole new variety - consumerism/selfishness guilt. I have both consumed a lot and been very selfish in my day, so unsure why the guilt is just catching up with me. Perhaps it is the current degree of self-indulgence that is igniting the flame of guilt.
I leave tomorrow for a 6 day / 5 night stay at Canyon Ranch - the one in the Berkshires. For the entire week, I get to work-out, eat healthy, relax with a friend, and partake of "spa treatments". I have three different massages, a full body wrap, a facial and an aerial adventure trip scheduled already. I am also planning to do a hike, kayak trip and paddle boarding.
While there is a huge part of me that thinks this sounds like a little piece of heaven, there is another part of me that is having intense feelings of guilt. It is so bad that I have been incredibly vague about my plans here at work. I am pretty sure that everyone here thinks that I am going away for a romantic week at a B&B with Carl. (Yes - I giggle every time they mention it.) When I am finally pinned down to specifics, I find myself lowering my head and muttering - as if I am ashamed.
It can't be about the money, because quite honestly I haven't had a moment of guilt about my Louboutin shoes and they cost waaay more than a massage - or three. Is it the pure decadence of it that seems wrong to me? Are my Puritanical Anglican roots balking at the idea of spending that much attention on myself? Why can't they rear their head in the shoe and handbag departments at Neiman's?
Guilt or not - I leave tomorrow at noon. Cell phones and other modern communication technology are strictly forbidden except for the privacy of our rooms, so I will be going "off the grid" for the next week. Hope to come back well rested, refreshed and with a little less guilt baggage.
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