Where did it go?

Today is the halfway point of 2010. That's right - this year is half over. Does that seem wrong to anyone else? I checked the calendar twice today and it really is the end of June.

I keep telling people that I meet here at work that I'm the "new" girl, but in reality I have been working for 9 months. I hope this doesn't portent how all my remaining years shall pass. I need them to slow down a bit. At this stage, there is no reason to rush toward the finish line.

i Take forever

I have a love hate relationship with my iPhone. I love it as a "smart" device, but it leaves a lot to be desired as an actual phone. I will admit that I have let it's general usefulness in every way but as a telecommunication device convince me to keep it around. (I figure eventually enough people will complain about the phone issue that they will have to fix it.)

Tonight started out with a perfect example of why I like my iPhone. I found what seems to be a great new running app that I wanted to download. It is from Runner's World, and guarantees to get me ready for any distance for which I want to aim. When I tried to download, it haughtily informed me that I needed a newer version of iPhone software before I could proceed.

Okay - I haven't backed up my phone in a while anyway, so I'll sync it and get the new software all at the same time. Should have known it sounded too good to be true. When I tried to Sync and download the newer version of the software, I was told that I needed a newer version of iTunes before I could download the new i Phone software. Anyone else sensing a pattern?

That was over 45 minutes ago. The iTunes just finished downloading, and now I'm told it will take another 15 minutes to download the new phone software. One would think I was using dial-up. It must take days that route.

I thought technology was supposed to make life easier - not convinced this is better, but it certainly wins for longer.

Floating on Air

I could have shown up to work barefoot today and never realized it because my feet still haven't touched the ground. I didn't get past the "We are pleased to inform you" part of my letter from the Thoracic Board before I started floating on air. My heart was racing faster when I opened the envelope than when I actually took the test. However, since opening said envelope, I have been able to do nothing but grin like an idiot. (I guess at some point I should actually finish reading the letter, but surely they wouldn't be pleased to inform me that I failed - right?)

I have passed other tests, and I have even certified (in General Surgery), but nothing has ever felt quite this good. I am not sure exactly why this feels so good, but I suspect it has a lot to do with this finally being IT. This was the last mountain that I had to climb - I have reached the summit. Sure, I still have to establish a successful career, publish, create "a name" for myself, and maybe even get a life, but I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE ANYMORE TESTS!!!! (I can't tell you how good that sentence feels to type.) I have been having to prove myself on standardized - and not so standardized - tests for the last 30 years. I am happy to report that although much more slowly than all of my friends, I have finally proven myself.

I am sure as the days and weeks pass, the daily grind of work will slowly pull me back down to Earth. However, I plan to stay up here as long as possible - the view is absolutely fantastic.

Thank you all for putting up with me - I know that was a gargantuan task these last few weeks. Now I think it is time we party!

Exhausted

My test was on Friday in the morning. I did nothing more taxing than shop and sight see for the remainder of the weekend. Yesterday I had a reasonable clinic in the afternoon, and today I had a single relatively easy case.

My question? Why am I so tired? It currently requires an embarrassing amount of effort to simply get out of my chair. Can really old age hit this fast?

I'm Back!

Whew! That's four weeks of my life I'll never get back and hope to never have to relive. It is hard to even really describe what it is like to study for and then actually take the Thoracic Surgery oral boards. I think it might be a lot like combat - you can understand the concept, but it isn't until someone fires at you that you actually get the experience. There aren't many people who walk into a hotel room with two strange men to work through "scenarios" (pretty much just us an working girls). Believe it or not, the reality is even stranger than the description.

Oh well, won't know if I passed for at least a week, but do know that I can't change it now so might as well get on with life. I did walk away from this whole experience having learned a few things about myself, so at least it wasn't all a wash. My lessons:

Lesson 1: It has been a long time since I thought like a Cardiac surgeon. This lesson became very obvious to me in the middle of my exam as I was describing how to "protect the heart" during some huge cardiac disaster scenario.

Lesson 2: For someone who always likes to see things as black or white, I have landed in a profession full of shades of gray. I think this may be good for me in the long run. It has opened me up to the idea that sometimes a problem can have many different equally right solutions. However, I'm still prone to believe my way is best. (Leopard can't change all her spots at once - how else would you still recognize her as a leopard?)

Lesson 3: I miss great friends nearby. I have wonderful friends - I have said it over and over. The only problem is that currently they all live elsewhere. I still talk to them and we visit, but it isn't quite the same as having them down the street. I am a tactile person by nature, and miss having friends within touching distance. I have met lots of people here, but no one has yet to click into that "great" friend spot. Did get to catch up with some great friends over the weekend in Chicago, and am heading to Nashville this weekend, but must keep looking here.

Lesson 4: I am a nomad at heart. This was my first trip to Chicago, and I loved it. I could so see Chicago as "my kind of town" - for a while. Therein lies the problem. There are so many great places that I want to live - for a while. With the exception of Nashville, I can't think of one city that I have lived to which I want to move back. They were all great places, and I can honestly say that for a time I truly loved living in each and everyone of them. However, at the end of the day, there are so many places and so little time. My parents have lived within a 50 mile radius their entire live, so I definitely didn't get this gene from them.

Lesson 5: I may finally be ready for a serious relationship. Don't get too excited out there - I said relationship not marriage. The "M" word still gives me hives and causes me to hyperventilate. However, I am ready to concede that it would be nice to have someone around to share experiences with - the highs and the lows.

I am sure many more lessons were given, but only time will tell if they were learned. All I can say now is that I feel as if a two hundred pound weight as been lifted off my chest. I am happy to be back to normal. Thanks everyone for sticking it out with me yet again.

Addicted?

I read yesterday, that caffeine can contribute to stress. People who consume large amounts of caffeine have more difficulty managing acutely stressful situations than people who consume none or minimal caffeine. Since I am going crazy with stress at the moment, and consuming what has to be unhealthy quantities of caffeine, I decided to give up caffeine (for about the hundredth time in my life).

I am about 14 hours into life without caffeine, and already have the shakes. I'm tired, grumpy, sleepy and can't concentrate. I'm either having caffeine withdrawal symptoms or I am studying for a huge test. Okay so it can go either way. I am incredibly frustrated that I have again allowed myself to become addicted to caffeine. I am more frustrated that I decided now was a good time to fight this particular demon. I know one thing for sure - I'm giving up reading.