Attitude Adjustment

So I need to find my happy place and quickly.

To say that things have been a mite difficult at work lately is an understatement of gargantuan proportions.  I won't bore you with the details mostly because the idea of seeing all the reasons work is currently not a good place for me is likely to end with me in tears.  I will say that I am near a breaking point that I have never approached previously.

My career trajectory has not always been a bouquet of roses, but I have always been able to accept the good and make peace with the bad.  I have previously had what I am now seeing as an enviable ability to not see things or at least separate myself and more importantly my happiness from things I could not change.  Perhaps that is the problem.  Perhaps, quite mistakenly, I have convinced myself that I could change some things about my situation and am frustrated with the reality of that not happening.

I guess that leaves me at a place where I have some difficult decisions to make.  Can I unsee what I have now seen?  Can I separate my happiness from my professional self?  Doesn't my professional self make up a huge part of my personal happiness?

I don't know the answer to any of the above questions, but realize the importance of finding them.  I refuse to remain the unhappy dejected person that I have morphed into currently.  

Moody and I know it

I have always admitted to a little Seasonal Affective Disorder, but it is either much worse this winter, or something else is clearly getting me down.  I also do not seem to be the only one.  Why is everyone in such a bad mood at the moment?

All of my tried and true fixes are also not working at the moment.  Had a girl's day last weekend which included  shopping, nails, nice meal, a great movie and a beautiful pair of Valentino stud flats, but happiness was still fleeting.

Maybe all the negativity in the US at the moment is getting to me more than I realized.  Maybe I finally reached my limit of tolerance for my grumpy, never happy, drama-filled work partner.  Maybe I hate change and the fact that I only recognize 3 people in my office (all providers or mgmt) is more than my routine loving heart can handle.

All I know if something has to change and soon.  If this goes much longer, I will have no friends left and Coco is already threatening to go live with grandma and grandpa.

Baby it's cold out there, and in here come to think of it.

I love my puppy, and her needs get top billing at our house.  I hate cold.  Turns out, those two statements are currently in conflict with each other.

Don't worry, she still walks every morning. . . wearing an adorable sweater and overcoat.  I go out for our morning walk looking like a Sherpa ready to ascent Everest (minus the oxygen tank).  The only thing keeping me going at the moment is those mid-60's forecast for this week.

I accept, albeit reluctantly, that cold days in January are necessary if one lives in Nashville and has to go outside.  What I find difficult to accept are the cold days in January found inside my office.  I currently find it necessary to wear a heavier winter coat inside my office than I wear getting from my house to said office.  (Shout out for garage to garage living.)

My office at present . . .

Please ignore the probably illegal space heater on the floor, and if you hear reports of the hospital being aflame - just remember:  I was with you the whole time.

Approach to 2017

I always start the New Year with such great plans.  Like most people, I always resolve to eat healthier, work out more and "be kind" to myself.  I always start out strong, but then at some point, I will slip up on something.  One little slip is all that it takes my brain to then give up on everything.  If I can't be perfectly good, my brain decides it will go for perfectly bad.

To be honest, it's not really working for me.

This year, I'm not making 20 changes that all had to start on 1/1 and require utmost devotion.  This year I am making one change.  Once that one change becomes a habit, then I may add something new.   My goal is to put minimal expectations on the one change.  It obviously had a start date, but no obvious must be completed by date.  (Quite honestly, I am too old to keep beating myself up over things - I bruise so easily these days.)

My one thing you ask?  It's may surprise you, but I'm simply trying to take back my weeknights.

I often work long days that can be a combination of physically, mentally and emotionally draining. This left me some days coming home, and sitting on the couch to "catch my breath" (read vegging out) for the hour or so before it was time for bed.  Some days morphed into most days which is unacceptable.  (It also leaves me with ridiculously long weekend chore lists.  I can not recommend attempting to accomplish all of life's errands, and rest/recover for the next week in a 48 hours time frame, especially when half of them still involve going to work for call.)

Therefore, I am working to accomplish at least one task each night when I get home.  This week, I am working to re-paper and re-organize my kitchen cabinets and pantry.  I am happy to report, working on it a little each night I am almost finished, and it won't have to make it to the weekend chore list. Coco is happy to report that I finally got rid of all the treats she does not like, but that I kept trying to convince her that she might.

Here's hoping for a full 2017 for us all.