A survival technique during residency training is to blatantly and sometimes quite outrageously lie to oneself. The lies start out harmlessly enough. They are simply a way to make it through the call night, but somewhere along the way a problem develops. . . you start to believe them. For example, I convinced myself that once I finished "training" all of my stress would magically disappear. Not sure where I thought it would go, but reality seems to have little basis for the lies I told myself.
I will concede that the stresses certainly changed, but they new ones seem bigger not smaller. Don't get me wrong, I still love what I do and am so excited to finally be doing it "for real". However, the happily ever after - nothing but time on my hands - Utopia I imagined has not come to fruition. Luckily, my mom never told me life is fair, so I have taken this new development with what I feel is reasonable aplomb. I decided to put on my big girl panties and deal. I needed a plan. (Even just the illusion of control is important for me.)
My first step was to prioritize. A clean house if very high on my list. If my house is a mess, it is usually symbolic of a deeper level of disorganization in my life (sorry took one to many English classes on symbolism). It turns out that another priority for me is not being the one to clean it. I have put off hiring cleaning help because I kept thinking of all the better ways to spend the money. As someone out of work for 4 months, I have many areas of my life in need of cash. However, recently I decided buying furniture can wait - not cleaning the bathrooms not so much.
Therefore, my new "cleaning lady" came yesterday. I was supposed to be there to show her around, but it didn't exactly work out as planned - see yesterday's blog. When I finally got home a little after 2 this morning, it was to a spotless place. There was even dinner to warm up in the fridge. She had also left me a note telling me all that she did and asking if there was anything else that I wanted. A few suggestions were offered of additional tasks that she would be happy to perform. One of which was to wrap the pile of presents currently living on my guest bed. Here is the rub - how do you tell a lady that while you are too lazy to clean your own house, your favorite part of Christmas is wrapping presents?
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