I could have shown up to work barefoot today and never realized it because my feet still haven't touched the ground. I didn't get past the "We are pleased to inform you" part of my letter from the Thoracic Board before I started floating on air. My heart was racing faster when I opened the envelope than when I actually took the test. However, since opening said envelope, I have been able to do nothing but grin like an idiot. (I guess at some point I should actually finish reading the letter, but surely they wouldn't be pleased to inform me that I failed - right?)
I have passed other tests, and I have even certified (in General Surgery), but nothing has ever felt quite this good. I am not sure exactly why this feels so good, but I suspect it has a lot to do with this finally being IT. This was the last mountain that I had to climb - I have reached the summit. Sure, I still have to establish a successful career, publish, create "a name" for myself, and maybe even get a life, but I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE ANYMORE TESTS!!!! (I can't tell you how good that sentence feels to type.) I have been having to prove myself on standardized - and not so standardized - tests for the last 30 years. I am happy to report that although much more slowly than all of my friends, I have finally proven myself.
I am sure as the days and weeks pass, the daily grind of work will slowly pull me back down to Earth. However, I plan to stay up here as long as possible - the view is absolutely fantastic.
Thank you all for putting up with me - I know that was a gargantuan task these last few weeks. Now I think it is time we party!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Exhausted
My test was on Friday in the morning. I did nothing more taxing than shop and sight see for the remainder of the weekend. Yesterday I had a reasonable clinic in the afternoon, and today I had a single relatively easy case.
My question? Why am I so tired? It currently requires an embarrassing amount of effort to simply get out of my chair. Can really old age hit this fast?
My question? Why am I so tired? It currently requires an embarrassing amount of effort to simply get out of my chair. Can really old age hit this fast?
Monday, June 14, 2010
I'm Back!
Whew! That's four weeks of my life I'll never get back and hope to never have to relive. It is hard to even really describe what it is like to study for and then actually take the Thoracic Surgery oral boards. I think it might be a lot like combat - you can understand the concept, but it isn't until someone fires at you that you actually get the experience. There aren't many people who walk into a hotel room with two strange men to work through "scenarios" (pretty much just us an working girls). Believe it or not, the reality is even stranger than the description.
Oh well, won't know if I passed for at least a week, but do know that I can't change it now so might as well get on with life. I did walk away from this whole experience having learned a few things about myself, so at least it wasn't all a wash. My lessons:
Lesson 1: It has been a long time since I thought like a Cardiac surgeon. This lesson became very obvious to me in the middle of my exam as I was describing how to "protect the heart" during some huge cardiac disaster scenario.
Lesson 2: For someone who always likes to see things as black or white, I have landed in a profession full of shades of gray. I think this may be good for me in the long run. It has opened me up to the idea that sometimes a problem can have many different equally right solutions. However, I'm still prone to believe my way is best. (Leopard can't change all her spots at once - how else would you still recognize her as a leopard?)
Lesson 3: I miss great friends nearby. I have wonderful friends - I have said it over and over. The only problem is that currently they all live elsewhere. I still talk to them and we visit, but it isn't quite the same as having them down the street. I am a tactile person by nature, and miss having friends within touching distance. I have met lots of people here, but no one has yet to click into that "great" friend spot. Did get to catch up with some great friends over the weekend in Chicago, and am heading to Nashville this weekend, but must keep looking here.
Lesson 4: I am a nomad at heart. This was my first trip to Chicago, and I loved it. I could so see Chicago as "my kind of town" - for a while. Therein lies the problem. There are so many great places that I want to live - for a while. With the exception of Nashville, I can't think of one city that I have lived to which I want to move back. They were all great places, and I can honestly say that for a time I truly loved living in each and everyone of them. However, at the end of the day, there are so many places and so little time. My parents have lived within a 50 mile radius their entire live, so I definitely didn't get this gene from them.
Lesson 5: I may finally be ready for a serious relationship. Don't get too excited out there - I said relationship not marriage. The "M" word still gives me hives and causes me to hyperventilate. However, I am ready to concede that it would be nice to have someone around to share experiences with - the highs and the lows.
I am sure many more lessons were given, but only time will tell if they were learned. All I can say now is that I feel as if a two hundred pound weight as been lifted off my chest. I am happy to be back to normal. Thanks everyone for sticking it out with me yet again.
Oh well, won't know if I passed for at least a week, but do know that I can't change it now so might as well get on with life. I did walk away from this whole experience having learned a few things about myself, so at least it wasn't all a wash. My lessons:
Lesson 1: It has been a long time since I thought like a Cardiac surgeon. This lesson became very obvious to me in the middle of my exam as I was describing how to "protect the heart" during some huge cardiac disaster scenario.
Lesson 2: For someone who always likes to see things as black or white, I have landed in a profession full of shades of gray. I think this may be good for me in the long run. It has opened me up to the idea that sometimes a problem can have many different equally right solutions. However, I'm still prone to believe my way is best. (Leopard can't change all her spots at once - how else would you still recognize her as a leopard?)
Lesson 3: I miss great friends nearby. I have wonderful friends - I have said it over and over. The only problem is that currently they all live elsewhere. I still talk to them and we visit, but it isn't quite the same as having them down the street. I am a tactile person by nature, and miss having friends within touching distance. I have met lots of people here, but no one has yet to click into that "great" friend spot. Did get to catch up with some great friends over the weekend in Chicago, and am heading to Nashville this weekend, but must keep looking here.
Lesson 4: I am a nomad at heart. This was my first trip to Chicago, and I loved it. I could so see Chicago as "my kind of town" - for a while. Therein lies the problem. There are so many great places that I want to live - for a while. With the exception of Nashville, I can't think of one city that I have lived to which I want to move back. They were all great places, and I can honestly say that for a time I truly loved living in each and everyone of them. However, at the end of the day, there are so many places and so little time. My parents have lived within a 50 mile radius their entire live, so I definitely didn't get this gene from them.
Lesson 5: I may finally be ready for a serious relationship. Don't get too excited out there - I said relationship not marriage. The "M" word still gives me hives and causes me to hyperventilate. However, I am ready to concede that it would be nice to have someone around to share experiences with - the highs and the lows.
I am sure many more lessons were given, but only time will tell if they were learned. All I can say now is that I feel as if a two hundred pound weight as been lifted off my chest. I am happy to be back to normal. Thanks everyone for sticking it out with me yet again.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Addicted?
I read yesterday, that caffeine can contribute to stress. People who consume large amounts of caffeine have more difficulty managing acutely stressful situations than people who consume none or minimal caffeine. Since I am going crazy with stress at the moment, and consuming what has to be unhealthy quantities of caffeine, I decided to give up caffeine (for about the hundredth time in my life).
I am about 14 hours into life without caffeine, and already have the shakes. I'm tired, grumpy, sleepy and can't concentrate. I'm either having caffeine withdrawal symptoms or I am studying for a huge test. Okay so it can go either way. I am incredibly frustrated that I have again allowed myself to become addicted to caffeine. I am more frustrated that I decided now was a good time to fight this particular demon. I know one thing for sure - I'm giving up reading.
I am about 14 hours into life without caffeine, and already have the shakes. I'm tired, grumpy, sleepy and can't concentrate. I'm either having caffeine withdrawal symptoms or I am studying for a huge test. Okay so it can go either way. I am incredibly frustrated that I have again allowed myself to become addicted to caffeine. I am more frustrated that I decided now was a good time to fight this particular demon. I know one thing for sure - I'm giving up reading.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Soap Box
I know that I haven't been great about blogging lately. In all honesty, I have been fairly stressed - I have the Oral portion of my Thoracic boards coming up and I have been busier than usual at work. Greater than normal stress tends to make me grumpy. I recognize this about myself, and try to minimize the collateral damage by sequestering myself. The less external interactions, the less I have to apologize for when my stress levels recede. Boards are over June 11th, so hopefully this latest high tide is almost over.
However, I can't help but to vent a little. I have tried to keep an open mind about life in Miami. My Spanish grows daily and I am truly happy about it. However, I have my limits. I walked into ABP this morning to grab a cup of coffee. As usual, the lady behind the counter greeted me in Spanish and asked what I wanted. Per norm, I responded in English. Usually this is where the person behind the counter fluidly switches to English, and we have no issues. Not so much this morning.
Turns out the person working behind the counter spoke barely enough English to tell me that she couldn't speak English. Seriously? If you choose to live in this country without learning the language - your decision. Who am I to judge? HOWEVER, if you plan to work in this country at a job that requires you to interact with the public (i.e. Americans living in the country of their birth), I don't think it is too much to ask that you speak the language. I'm not asking for Shakespeare, but conversational English should be a prerequisite. If I moved to Germany, I would attempt to learn German before I went to work. Perhaps that is just me. Okay, I will step off my soap box now and go back to studying. Less grumpy me will hopefully show her face again soon.
However, I can't help but to vent a little. I have tried to keep an open mind about life in Miami. My Spanish grows daily and I am truly happy about it. However, I have my limits. I walked into ABP this morning to grab a cup of coffee. As usual, the lady behind the counter greeted me in Spanish and asked what I wanted. Per norm, I responded in English. Usually this is where the person behind the counter fluidly switches to English, and we have no issues. Not so much this morning.
Turns out the person working behind the counter spoke barely enough English to tell me that she couldn't speak English. Seriously? If you choose to live in this country without learning the language - your decision. Who am I to judge? HOWEVER, if you plan to work in this country at a job that requires you to interact with the public (i.e. Americans living in the country of their birth), I don't think it is too much to ask that you speak the language. I'm not asking for Shakespeare, but conversational English should be a prerequisite. If I moved to Germany, I would attempt to learn German before I went to work. Perhaps that is just me. Okay, I will step off my soap box now and go back to studying. Less grumpy me will hopefully show her face again soon.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
OCD check
I used to laugh at my friends who cleaned up before the cleaning lady came over. . . now I totally get it. It is not just that you don't want someone to see how much of a slob you can really be when left to your own devices although that is a motivator. Mostly it is just that I want her to dust, mop and clean the showers. She shouldn't be wasting her time picking up my dirty laundry or loading my dishwasher. Those are the easy tasks that I can accomplish.
My behavioral concern is different. While I will now accept that it is "normal" behavior to clean for the cleaning lady, is it normal behavior to spend an hour after she leaves putting everything back where it belongs? I'm not talking about moving heavy pieces of furniture or even trash cans. I mean doing silly things like re-centering the candle on the table, or moving the picture an inch to the right, or re-stacking the magazines because they are no longer stacked exactly the way I had them.
I long ago accepted that I am a little Obsessive Compulsive, but always felt that I stopped short of disorder. Not so sure I still fall short. This can't be good - think I'll go wash my hands again.
My behavioral concern is different. While I will now accept that it is "normal" behavior to clean for the cleaning lady, is it normal behavior to spend an hour after she leaves putting everything back where it belongs? I'm not talking about moving heavy pieces of furniture or even trash cans. I mean doing silly things like re-centering the candle on the table, or moving the picture an inch to the right, or re-stacking the magazines because they are no longer stacked exactly the way I had them.
I long ago accepted that I am a little Obsessive Compulsive, but always felt that I stopped short of disorder. Not so sure I still fall short. This can't be good - think I'll go wash my hands again.
Monday, May 10, 2010
La Gripe
The Miami word for cold is La Gripe. I like it. It sounds much more sinister than a common cold, and sinister is definitely what I had. Shortly after my last post, I spent 12 hours in the OR with a lung transplant. The next day I had a scratchy throat, but shrugged it off as no sleep. By Friday, I was officially sick. I had the fever, cough, chest congestion, runny nose whole shebang. There were even three days where I had no voice! As hard as that may be for you to imagine, it was even harder for me to live through.
The worst part was that all of my colleagues were in Toronto at the AATS. I had no choice but to come to work each day and actually work. The last 10 days will definitely not go into my highlight reel of favorite moments, but I survived (as thankfully did my patients). I still have a runny nose and an annoying cough, but I think the worse of La Gripe has past.
Now I have to face the terrible reality of my Thoracic Oral boards being only a month away. Time to buckle down and remember where the heart actually lives. I see a few more sleepless nights in my immediate future.
To all friends in Nashville, my thoughts and prayers have been, and will continue to be with you all.
The worst part was that all of my colleagues were in Toronto at the AATS. I had no choice but to come to work each day and actually work. The last 10 days will definitely not go into my highlight reel of favorite moments, but I survived (as thankfully did my patients). I still have a runny nose and an annoying cough, but I think the worse of La Gripe has past.
Now I have to face the terrible reality of my Thoracic Oral boards being only a month away. Time to buckle down and remember where the heart actually lives. I see a few more sleepless nights in my immediate future.
To all friends in Nashville, my thoughts and prayers have been, and will continue to be with you all.
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