So I need to find my happy place and quickly.
To say that things have been a mite difficult at work lately is an understatement of gargantuan proportions. I won't bore you with the details mostly because the idea of seeing all the reasons work is currently not a good place for me is likely to end with me in tears. I will say that I am near a breaking point that I have never approached previously.
My career trajectory has not always been a bouquet of roses, but I have always been able to accept the good and make peace with the bad. I have previously had what I am now seeing as an enviable ability to not see things or at least separate myself and more importantly my happiness from things I could not change. Perhaps that is the problem. Perhaps, quite mistakenly, I have convinced myself that I could change some things about my situation and am frustrated with the reality of that not happening.
I guess that leaves me at a place where I have some difficult decisions to make. Can I unsee what I have now seen? Can I separate my happiness from my professional self? Doesn't my professional self make up a huge part of my personal happiness?
I don't know the answer to any of the above questions, but realize the importance of finding them. I refuse to remain the unhappy dejected person that I have morphed into currently.
Thursday, February 16, 2017
Thursday, January 19, 2017
Moody and I know it
I have always admitted to a little Seasonal Affective Disorder, but it is either much worse this winter, or something else is clearly getting me down. I also do not seem to be the only one. Why is everyone in such a bad mood at the moment?
All of my tried and true fixes are also not working at the moment. Had a girl's day last weekend which included shopping, nails, nice meal, a great movie and a beautiful pair of Valentino stud flats, but happiness was still fleeting.
Maybe all the negativity in the US at the moment is getting to me more than I realized. Maybe I finally reached my limit of tolerance for my grumpy, never happy, drama-filled work partner. Maybe I hate change and the fact that I only recognize 3 people in my office (all providers or mgmt) is more than my routine loving heart can handle.
All I know if something has to change and soon. If this goes much longer, I will have no friends left and Coco is already threatening to go live with grandma and grandpa.
Monday, January 9, 2017
Baby it's cold out there, and in here come to think of it.
I love my puppy, and her needs get top billing at our house. I hate cold. Turns out, those two statements are currently in conflict with each other.
Don't worry, she still walks every morning. . . wearing an adorable sweater and overcoat. I go out for our morning walk looking like a Sherpa ready to ascent Everest (minus the oxygen tank). The only thing keeping me going at the moment is those mid-60's forecast for this week.
I accept, albeit reluctantly, that cold days in January are necessary if one lives in Nashville and has to go outside. What I find difficult to accept are the cold days in January found inside my office. I currently find it necessary to wear a heavier winter coat inside my office than I wear getting from my house to said office. (Shout out for garage to garage living.)
My office at present . . .
Please ignore the probably illegal space heater on the floor, and if you hear reports of the hospital being aflame - just remember: I was with you the whole time.
Don't worry, she still walks every morning. . . wearing an adorable sweater and overcoat. I go out for our morning walk looking like a Sherpa ready to ascent Everest (minus the oxygen tank). The only thing keeping me going at the moment is those mid-60's forecast for this week.
I accept, albeit reluctantly, that cold days in January are necessary if one lives in Nashville and has to go outside. What I find difficult to accept are the cold days in January found inside my office. I currently find it necessary to wear a heavier winter coat inside my office than I wear getting from my house to said office. (Shout out for garage to garage living.)
My office at present . . .
Please ignore the probably illegal space heater on the floor, and if you hear reports of the hospital being aflame - just remember: I was with you the whole time.
Thursday, January 5, 2017
Approach to 2017
I always start the New Year with such great plans. Like most people, I always resolve to eat healthier, work out more and "be kind" to myself. I always start out strong, but then at some point, I will slip up on something. One little slip is all that it takes my brain to then give up on everything. If I can't be perfectly good, my brain decides it will go for perfectly bad.
To be honest, it's not really working for me.
This year, I'm not making 20 changes that all had to start on 1/1 and require utmost devotion. This year I am making one change. Once that one change becomes a habit, then I may add something new. My goal is to put minimal expectations on the one change. It obviously had a start date, but no obvious must be completed by date. (Quite honestly, I am too old to keep beating myself up over things - I bruise so easily these days.)
My one thing you ask? It's may surprise you, but I'm simply trying to take back my weeknights.
I often work long days that can be a combination of physically, mentally and emotionally draining. This left me some days coming home, and sitting on the couch to "catch my breath" (read vegging out) for the hour or so before it was time for bed. Some days morphed into most days which is unacceptable. (It also leaves me with ridiculously long weekend chore lists. I can not recommend attempting to accomplish all of life's errands, and rest/recover for the next week in a 48 hours time frame, especially when half of them still involve going to work for call.)
Therefore, I am working to accomplish at least one task each night when I get home. This week, I am working to re-paper and re-organize my kitchen cabinets and pantry. I am happy to report, working on it a little each night I am almost finished, and it won't have to make it to the weekend chore list. Coco is happy to report that I finally got rid of all the treats she does not like, but that I kept trying to convince her that she might.
Here's hoping for a full 2017 for us all.
To be honest, it's not really working for me.
This year, I'm not making 20 changes that all had to start on 1/1 and require utmost devotion. This year I am making one change. Once that one change becomes a habit, then I may add something new. My goal is to put minimal expectations on the one change. It obviously had a start date, but no obvious must be completed by date. (Quite honestly, I am too old to keep beating myself up over things - I bruise so easily these days.)
My one thing you ask? It's may surprise you, but I'm simply trying to take back my weeknights.
I often work long days that can be a combination of physically, mentally and emotionally draining. This left me some days coming home, and sitting on the couch to "catch my breath" (read vegging out) for the hour or so before it was time for bed. Some days morphed into most days which is unacceptable. (It also leaves me with ridiculously long weekend chore lists. I can not recommend attempting to accomplish all of life's errands, and rest/recover for the next week in a 48 hours time frame, especially when half of them still involve going to work for call.)
Therefore, I am working to accomplish at least one task each night when I get home. This week, I am working to re-paper and re-organize my kitchen cabinets and pantry. I am happy to report, working on it a little each night I am almost finished, and it won't have to make it to the weekend chore list. Coco is happy to report that I finally got rid of all the treats she does not like, but that I kept trying to convince her that she might.
Here's hoping for a full 2017 for us all.
Monday, December 12, 2016
The Laundry Conundrum
I hesitate to complain about laundry. Every time I do, my mom or a friend will quickly point out to me that I only have to do laundry for myself and not the "___" other people living in the house. While I accept the premise of the argument, I counter that doing laundry for one has it's own challenges. Especially one the one is me.
For starters, I wait until almost everything that I own is in need of laundry before I put the first load of clothes into the washer. This is a bad habit developed in college when one had to trek three floors over and down for the laundry room. (This is also the reason that I happen to own a month's worth of underwear.)
Laundry not being my favorite past time, I then vow to accomplish the entire backlog all in one day. Not the most exciting way to spend a Saturday I must point out. It also inevitably leads to a late night of ironing because I also refuse to put clothes back into my closet unless ready to wear. (Starting to see my problem?)
Last and certainly not least, I have a strange need to have completely empty laundry baskets. I have been known to pull off the clothes I am wearing and put on my bath robe so that for a moment in time, everything I own is clean. For unclear (but clearly in need of therapy) reasons this makes me extremely happy.
Bet you can't guess what I did this weekend?
For starters, I wait until almost everything that I own is in need of laundry before I put the first load of clothes into the washer. This is a bad habit developed in college when one had to trek three floors over and down for the laundry room. (This is also the reason that I happen to own a month's worth of underwear.)
Laundry not being my favorite past time, I then vow to accomplish the entire backlog all in one day. Not the most exciting way to spend a Saturday I must point out. It also inevitably leads to a late night of ironing because I also refuse to put clothes back into my closet unless ready to wear. (Starting to see my problem?)
Last and certainly not least, I have a strange need to have completely empty laundry baskets. I have been known to pull off the clothes I am wearing and put on my bath robe so that for a moment in time, everything I own is clean. For unclear (but clearly in need of therapy) reasons this makes me extremely happy.
Bet you can't guess what I did this weekend?
Thursday, December 8, 2016
One of THOSE days
Ever had a day start and within a very short time realize that is was not going to be your best? Today is that for me. It started with a 6:45 meeting. Why anyone wants to meet that early is beyond me. It is also one of those meetings where one actually has to be awake and interactive. Hence my first stop of the day.
Suspected it was going to be as bad as it is turning out to be so went straight for Venti with an extra shot. Another meeting followed and now clinic.
In the meantime, my partner wants to rework the next three months call schedule which we both approved just last week. A call schedule already made difficult by holidays and four weeks of personal time off (for him) to accommodate his girlfriend's work schedule. Are you kidding me????? I have a "mood" calendar on my desk. Today's forecast . .
Suspected it was going to be as bad as it is turning out to be so went straight for Venti with an extra shot. Another meeting followed and now clinic.
In the meantime, my partner wants to rework the next three months call schedule which we both approved just last week. A call schedule already made difficult by holidays and four weeks of personal time off (for him) to accommodate his girlfriend's work schedule. Are you kidding me????? I have a "mood" calendar on my desk. Today's forecast . .
Wednesday, December 7, 2016
Faux Christmas?
To me part of what makes Christmas so special is that it engages all of the senses.
- The sight of lights twinkling. (Warm white of course.)
- The sounds of Christmas Carols. (Hark the Herald Angels on repeat.)
- The taste of Williams and Sonoma Peppermint bark. (What do they put in there that makes it soooo good?)
- The feel of glitter - everywhere . . . (what? there is more glitter on my face, but I wiped it away already, now it's on my shirt - oh wait I don't necessarily love that one as much.)
- The smell of a freshly cut Christmas. (For me that is a beautiful Douglas Fir.)
Growing up we always had an artificial tree - my mom hated vacuuming needles. So I determined at a very young age, that I would always have a real tree when I grew up, and the biggest tree I could find. (Fit being a factor you will see has unfortunately never been high on my priority list.) I have kept this promise to young me every year except for the time I spent in Miami. I gave myself a pass there because South Florida is not really conducive to Douglas Firs or any evergreen. The only trees that do well there give rise to coconuts not cones.
My first Christmas in my new house I skipped a tree. (If it had not been for Christmas Elf Kris, I would have also skipped any decorations that year.) I had only been in my house for a month and still had more boxes than furniture. Therefore, last year I was excited to go on a tree search. The Friday after Thanksgiving, I forced my family to Home Depot where we proceed to purchase the largest tree we could find. I have 20 foot ceilings in my living room - I felt there was nothing to hold me back. It took four of us to bring the tree into the house, an 8 ft ladder for me to decorate it, and I never was able to reach the pinnacle for a topper. I had to completely rearrange my living room to accommodate the tree's breadth, and Coco (to my great dismay) enjoyed nothing more than playing on the tree skirt watching needles rain down on top of her.
All of this I could handle because I had a huge gorgeous tree with the most amazing smell. But then Christmas was over, and the tree needed to go. Now it was just me and dad and a HUGE dead Douglas Fir. The tree eventually made it to the curb for pick up, but it was neither easy nor pretty. I decided then and there that I needed to switch to artificial. I told my dad who laughed and said he would believe it when he saw it. Where dad, here it is. . .
It even comes with a remote control which allows me to not only turn off and on the lights, but to pick white, colored or both. I purposely picked a slender version so that I would not have to rearrange my furniture completely, and capped myself at 11 feet so that I could decorate it without having to rent a crane. The only thing missing is the smell. And I must say that I do miss the smell.
I have a lovely "Christmas Tree" Aspen Bay candle which does smell nice, but it is just not quite the same. So the question I have is does a faux tree mean that there will be faux gifts underneath it?
- The sight of lights twinkling. (Warm white of course.)
- The sounds of Christmas Carols. (Hark the Herald Angels on repeat.)
- The taste of Williams and Sonoma Peppermint bark. (What do they put in there that makes it soooo good?)
- The feel of glitter - everywhere . . . (what? there is more glitter on my face, but I wiped it away already, now it's on my shirt - oh wait I don't necessarily love that one as much.)
- The smell of a freshly cut Christmas. (For me that is a beautiful Douglas Fir.)
Growing up we always had an artificial tree - my mom hated vacuuming needles. So I determined at a very young age, that I would always have a real tree when I grew up, and the biggest tree I could find. (Fit being a factor you will see has unfortunately never been high on my priority list.) I have kept this promise to young me every year except for the time I spent in Miami. I gave myself a pass there because South Florida is not really conducive to Douglas Firs or any evergreen. The only trees that do well there give rise to coconuts not cones.
My first Christmas in my new house I skipped a tree. (If it had not been for Christmas Elf Kris, I would have also skipped any decorations that year.) I had only been in my house for a month and still had more boxes than furniture. Therefore, last year I was excited to go on a tree search. The Friday after Thanksgiving, I forced my family to Home Depot where we proceed to purchase the largest tree we could find. I have 20 foot ceilings in my living room - I felt there was nothing to hold me back. It took four of us to bring the tree into the house, an 8 ft ladder for me to decorate it, and I never was able to reach the pinnacle for a topper. I had to completely rearrange my living room to accommodate the tree's breadth, and Coco (to my great dismay) enjoyed nothing more than playing on the tree skirt watching needles rain down on top of her.
All of this I could handle because I had a huge gorgeous tree with the most amazing smell. But then Christmas was over, and the tree needed to go. Now it was just me and dad and a HUGE dead Douglas Fir. The tree eventually made it to the curb for pick up, but it was neither easy nor pretty. I decided then and there that I needed to switch to artificial. I told my dad who laughed and said he would believe it when he saw it. Where dad, here it is. . .
It even comes with a remote control which allows me to not only turn off and on the lights, but to pick white, colored or both. I purposely picked a slender version so that I would not have to rearrange my furniture completely, and capped myself at 11 feet so that I could decorate it without having to rent a crane. The only thing missing is the smell. And I must say that I do miss the smell.
I have a lovely "Christmas Tree" Aspen Bay candle which does smell nice, but it is just not quite the same. So the question I have is does a faux tree mean that there will be faux gifts underneath it?
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