I need a job

Every morning for more years than I care to recall, my first thought when I open my eyes is "crap - it is early". (I am by nature not a morning person. How did I end up a surgeon you might ask - BAD career planning.) For the past week, my question has changed. When my eyes pop open these mornings, the first thought that goes through my head is "oh my god, I need a job." I suspect this thought also has something to do with the fact that I am not sleeping well and having strange dreams when I do sleep.

I have often bragged about the fact that I can fall asleep anytime, anywhere and on a moment's notice. Surgery can take the credit for that one. It also gets the blame for the fact that I have turned into an incredibly light sleeper and can not sleep with anyone snoring or even breathing hard for that matter. Stress has always affected my sleeping. Early in my life and training, sleep was a great anecdote for stress. I fell asleep and planned to think about it tomorrow. As I have gotten older, and my responsibilities have changed, stress now prevents me from sleeping. It is actually kind of spooky. If I wake up on call for no apparent reason, I will go and see all my patients. Almost 100% of the time, something is wrong with one of them. Eerie but true.

The strange dreams are new. I usually don't recall dreams. According to Freud that is a sign of a deeply repressed personality, but I decided years ago to let that go and move on. Lately, not only do I recall them, but they confuse me. I have dreams about weird jobs in strange places. I have dreams of moving to strange places with no job or marrying for money. I am sure these would all be way to easy for Freud, but at least I am remembering a few.

Wishing for the "crap it is early" days.