Not unexpectedly I got a migraine today. Perhaps I should explain. My mom suffered from migraines the entire time I was growing up. Her trigger was hormonal. Once she went through menopause, they magically disappeared. I spent most of my twenty's thankful not to have inherited that particular trait.
Then I started my cardiothoracic fellowship. During my first year, I lost peripheral vision one day as I was heading home. In a near panic, I headed back into the ER. One incredibly long work-up later, it was declared that I had an "optic migraine". I have had a few since then. My trigger seems to be stress. I know - you're thinking "Wow you really did pick a bad career." It is not "normal" stress that triggers for me. I can handle stressful cases and patients with relative ease.
The stress that triggers for me is more related to my control issues. It is the stress that comes from having events outside of my control. A big job search for example. The practical part of my brain argues that it is ridiculous to get so worked up about such things. After all, things happen for a reason - what will be will be. However, it turns out that a huge portion of my brain is very impractical, and it actually always seems to win in these situations.
I have tried to relax and let go, but it is much easier to say than for me to actually do. I have a bad feeling that it is going to be a rough few months - (Sorry Kris and mom).
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