I have been safely ensconced here in Nashville now for 5 days. For someone who has so much stuff she needs to accomplish, I have actually accomplished very little of it. Every time I look at the mountain of paperwork that I need to complete to actually start my job, I get overwhelmed and talk the kids into a game. So far, I have become a very good hider, king of Candy land, been fishing (with cards), and taught Matt and Grace rock, paper, scissors. (Kris may hate me for that one.) They caught on surprisingly quickly, although Grace picks rock about 90% of the time.
I am not sure why I have such a phobia about this paperwork. The vast majority of it is just repetitive. I answer the same questions over and over and over again. However, there is a good chunk of it that I am not sure is even in English. I am a fairly educated person, but I have read the same sheet about 3 times and the only thing I know for sure is they will prosecute me if I don't fill it out appropriately. Now the instructions on how to fill it out - so much legalese I am no longer sure how to fill out the top line that says Name.
My goal today is to make a sizable dent. I can't complete them all until my Florida license comes through and I have a Florida address. (Something else I need to work on today.) Unfortunately Kris took the kids to My Gym camp so I can't distract myself. I know that those of you who have the opportunity for kid time all the time occasionally want a break, but I am loving it. They are at the age where they are just hilarious. They have both become so mature. You can now have actual conversations with them. I am trying to convince Bassam and Kris to let me take them to Florida, but don't think I am making much progress.
Last learning point during my last few days. . . I am addicted to caffeine. I didn't really start drinking coffee on a semi-regular basis until I was a surgery resident. However, even then I didn't have it every day. Sometime in the last few years, I must have crossed over to the other side. The Helou's are not coffee drinkers (I am not sure how Bassam calls himself a surgeon). Whereas I have become accustomed to starting my day with a nice latte or grande flavored, they start their days with such weird things as milk, water and juice. It turns out that I now get a headache if I don't caffeinate early in the morning. I must also get a little grumpy because it has now become job one with the Helou's to make sure I have morning coffee (bad guest!).
Okay, enough procrastinating - off to fill out paperwork. Wonder when the kids are home?
Monday, July 6, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
Aahhhhh!
Wow, I had forgotten what it was like to actually consciously breathe in and out. I arrived safely (though late) here in Nashville on the first. Since that time, I have been very busy. I have slept, played with the kids, napped, shopped (for Kris not me don't worry), played with the kids, ate, and played with the kids. It has been FANTASTIC.
If this is life, sign me up. Don't worry, I realize that eventually I have to become a productive paying member of society, but I will be honest - this whole unemployed drifter thing is way fun. Luckily, I have an incredible circle of friends who have all graciously agreed to share the burden of my two months off. I will probably spend another week here in Nashville before heading to Georgia. It has been great seeing Matt and Grace (Bassam and Kris also). I can't believe how fast they are growing up. It was less obvious when I got to see them all the time.
The only cloud on the horizon is the mounds of paperwork that I have only started climbing. Who would have thought that this much paperwork would be required to simply cut on people and take parts of their body out?
If this is life, sign me up. Don't worry, I realize that eventually I have to become a productive paying member of society, but I will be honest - this whole unemployed drifter thing is way fun. Luckily, I have an incredible circle of friends who have all graciously agreed to share the burden of my two months off. I will probably spend another week here in Nashville before heading to Georgia. It has been great seeing Matt and Grace (Bassam and Kris also). I can't believe how fast they are growing up. It was less obvious when I got to see them all the time.
The only cloud on the horizon is the mounds of paperwork that I have only started climbing. Who would have thought that this much paperwork would be required to simply cut on people and take parts of their body out?
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Goodbye
Well, it is official. My LONG years of training are truly over. As of today, I am officially "staff". Okay officially I am unemployed, but only temporarily. Starting September, I become "them". As I am packing up the last of my things to leave Philly this morning I am more sad than I expected.
It is no secret that there are some things I didn't love about Philly. Most of those things involved winter. However, there are quite a few things I really loved and am going to miss. It is the first time I really lived "downtown" in a city, and even in winter loved that part. There is something I love about getting up on a lazy Saturday, walking downstairs to the coffee shop up the block, and wandering back home. I loved having friends and people so close. I enjoyed simply walking around the city. I have also met many people here that I now consider my friends and who will be missed.
Training - not sure that I will miss that at all !!! I mean really after ten years, what is to miss. I am definitely ready to start calling my own shots and doing things my way.
Leaving for Nashville this morning. Will spend a few days there before on to Georgia. Hoping to see many of you over then next couple of weeks.
Goodbye Philly.
It is no secret that there are some things I didn't love about Philly. Most of those things involved winter. However, there are quite a few things I really loved and am going to miss. It is the first time I really lived "downtown" in a city, and even in winter loved that part. There is something I love about getting up on a lazy Saturday, walking downstairs to the coffee shop up the block, and wandering back home. I loved having friends and people so close. I enjoyed simply walking around the city. I have also met many people here that I now consider my friends and who will be missed.
Training - not sure that I will miss that at all !!! I mean really after ten years, what is to miss. I am definitely ready to start calling my own shots and doing things my way.
Leaving for Nashville this morning. Will spend a few days there before on to Georgia. Hoping to see many of you over then next couple of weeks.
Goodbye Philly.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Confession
I have a confession to make. I have struggled with whether or not I actually wanted to admit this out loud, but in the end decided that not saying it doesn't make it any less so, and isn't confession supposed to be good for the soul?
As you are all well aware, the whole job search was incredibly frustrating for me. I am not sure what I expected, but after 10 years of training at some pretty great places, I certainly didn't expect to have trouble finding a job. I almost imagined a fight over who would get blessed with my training and skills. A few months into my search when it became apparent that there was no stampede to my door, I sat down with a few of my attendings to discuss the issue.
To the one, they all (after a good deal of prompting) told me the same thing. If it had not been so frustrating and disheartening, it would have almost been comical. None of them were willing to just come right out and say it. They would all sheepishly look at their desks, computers, hands. No one could quite look me in the eye.
What was their big revelation? I am female! Hold the presses. It was quite a shock to me. I had wondered what those lumps on my chest were all those years. I joke about it now, but I was devastated, but perhaps not for the reason I should have been. I was devastated because it was the one thing I couldn't change. If I was coming off too confident, or not confident enough, t0o shy, too outgoing - those were things that I could change, but my sex - sorry "Chaz" I am not willing to go there.
Why was I not frustrated and irate that my chosen profession was so openly sexist? I have a harder time answering that question. By all rights, I should have been livid that it was suggested to me that another candidate although less qualified and with less technical ability would make a better colleague because he had testicles. The more interviews I had, the more it became glaringly obvious too me that these men were scared to death that I wanted to take their job and then become some baby making machine.
My most horrible confession - a part of me gets it. Now before any of you hunt me down to set me straight, hear me out. A little part of me sees that it must be incredibly frustrating to hire a new surgeon, invest a lot of money in salary, OR toys or laboratory stuff and then have them take off within the first year on maternity leave. It is also quite common in my profession for these women to not come back at all. In my heart, I know that women should be able to make choices based on the data they have at the time. Women should be allowed to have all the same opportunities as men, and should have choices about how they wish to fulfill themselves. However, a small part of me sees the other side.
I am not blaming my entire frustrating job search on my sex. Lots of things go into it some of which were in my control some not. However, I will admit to coming out of this experience with a little less rose coloring on my glasses. I knew that I was going into a male dominated profession (female cardiothoracic surgeons now make up 2% of all cardiothoracic surgeons). However, I perhaps unrealistically felt that it wouldn't make a difference.
As you are all well aware, the whole job search was incredibly frustrating for me. I am not sure what I expected, but after 10 years of training at some pretty great places, I certainly didn't expect to have trouble finding a job. I almost imagined a fight over who would get blessed with my training and skills. A few months into my search when it became apparent that there was no stampede to my door, I sat down with a few of my attendings to discuss the issue.
To the one, they all (after a good deal of prompting) told me the same thing. If it had not been so frustrating and disheartening, it would have almost been comical. None of them were willing to just come right out and say it. They would all sheepishly look at their desks, computers, hands. No one could quite look me in the eye.
What was their big revelation? I am female! Hold the presses. It was quite a shock to me. I had wondered what those lumps on my chest were all those years. I joke about it now, but I was devastated, but perhaps not for the reason I should have been. I was devastated because it was the one thing I couldn't change. If I was coming off too confident, or not confident enough, t0o shy, too outgoing - those were things that I could change, but my sex - sorry "Chaz" I am not willing to go there.
Why was I not frustrated and irate that my chosen profession was so openly sexist? I have a harder time answering that question. By all rights, I should have been livid that it was suggested to me that another candidate although less qualified and with less technical ability would make a better colleague because he had testicles. The more interviews I had, the more it became glaringly obvious too me that these men were scared to death that I wanted to take their job and then become some baby making machine.
My most horrible confession - a part of me gets it. Now before any of you hunt me down to set me straight, hear me out. A little part of me sees that it must be incredibly frustrating to hire a new surgeon, invest a lot of money in salary, OR toys or laboratory stuff and then have them take off within the first year on maternity leave. It is also quite common in my profession for these women to not come back at all. In my heart, I know that women should be able to make choices based on the data they have at the time. Women should be allowed to have all the same opportunities as men, and should have choices about how they wish to fulfill themselves. However, a small part of me sees the other side.
I am not blaming my entire frustrating job search on my sex. Lots of things go into it some of which were in my control some not. However, I will admit to coming out of this experience with a little less rose coloring on my glasses. I knew that I was going into a male dominated profession (female cardiothoracic surgeons now make up 2% of all cardiothoracic surgeons). However, I perhaps unrealistically felt that it wouldn't make a difference.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Out like a lamb?
I am going to admit to being a little disappointed this morning. I just completed my last ever night of call so one could question my sanity, but here is my point. I have had a "black cloud" my entire surgical call career. I am the only person that has never had a "no hitter" on call. Not only do I get "hits", I usually get to knock a few out of the ballpark.
Therefore, on this my last night of call, I came prepared for nothing short of Armageddon. I mean seriously this is the last chance that call fate has to hurt me. I figure it would at least make it interesting. I even felt somewhat invincible. I mean after you have survived 10 years of surgical training, you feel that you can survive anything for 24 hours. I felt sure that we would at least have a dissection or esophageal perforation - transplant maybe. Alas, we had nothing. I talked to a few outpatients to reassure them that it is normal to have some discomfort after open heart surgery. I had one septic patient on the floor and one in the unit, but that was child's play. I mean where was my emergent open chest, ECMO cannulation, anything.
It is a little hard to believe that I will never have to spend the night at a hospital again. It has been such a huge part of my life these ten years. I won't say that I will miss it, but the adrenaline rush could be addicting. I do want to say a Thank You to all of my patients, nurses, and residents who have taught me so much over the last 10 years of call. Now I am going to take a nap.
Therefore, on this my last night of call, I came prepared for nothing short of Armageddon. I mean seriously this is the last chance that call fate has to hurt me. I figure it would at least make it interesting. I even felt somewhat invincible. I mean after you have survived 10 years of surgical training, you feel that you can survive anything for 24 hours. I felt sure that we would at least have a dissection or esophageal perforation - transplant maybe. Alas, we had nothing. I talked to a few outpatients to reassure them that it is normal to have some discomfort after open heart surgery. I had one septic patient on the floor and one in the unit, but that was child's play. I mean where was my emergent open chest, ECMO cannulation, anything.
It is a little hard to believe that I will never have to spend the night at a hospital again. It has been such a huge part of my life these ten years. I won't say that I will miss it, but the adrenaline rush could be addicting. I do want to say a Thank You to all of my patients, nurses, and residents who have taught me so much over the last 10 years of call. Now I am going to take a nap.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Last Call
Ten years is a long time to be a resident. Anyone that tries to convince you otherwise is crazy. However, I can say that it has gone by incredibly fast. I remember my very first night on call. It was "home" call at University hospital. I lay awake all night petrified every time the pager went off. I was still looking up how to order Tylenol.
I have spent a large portion of the next ten years on call. My heart no longer races when the phone goes off, and thankfully the only medications that I regulate these days are pressors, but at the end of the day call hasn't changed all that much. It is still an exhausting and at times exhilarating experience. However it is one that I am willing to give up.
I am 7 hours into my last 24 hours of resident call ever. I expected a certain amount of giddiness today perhaps even a little swagger. Maybe as the day wears on it will show. As of now, tomorrow still seems to far away. It probably doesn't help that I only got 3 hours of sleep Friday night and 5 hours last night. I have been trying to take a nap this morning, but have been inundated with patient calls.
Another thing that hasn't changed, I survive call by dreaming of the things to do post call. It is often as simple as a long hot shower. Tomorrow I have to run a few errands, and then I want to revisit some of my favorite Philly places. It may be my last chance before I leave. Here's hoping that the rest of my call cooperates with my plans.
I have spent a large portion of the next ten years on call. My heart no longer races when the phone goes off, and thankfully the only medications that I regulate these days are pressors, but at the end of the day call hasn't changed all that much. It is still an exhausting and at times exhilarating experience. However it is one that I am willing to give up.
I am 7 hours into my last 24 hours of resident call ever. I expected a certain amount of giddiness today perhaps even a little swagger. Maybe as the day wears on it will show. As of now, tomorrow still seems to far away. It probably doesn't help that I only got 3 hours of sleep Friday night and 5 hours last night. I have been trying to take a nap this morning, but have been inundated with patient calls.
Another thing that hasn't changed, I survive call by dreaming of the things to do post call. It is often as simple as a long hot shower. Tomorrow I have to run a few errands, and then I want to revisit some of my favorite Philly places. It may be my last chance before I leave. Here's hoping that the rest of my call cooperates with my plans.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
The difference a year makes
As some of you might recall, when I started this blog one year ago, I had just been royally screwed by my movers. Therefore, as you might imagine, I approached this whole move with much trepidation. Oh what a difference. As promised, the movers called yesterday to tell me exactly what time they would be here this morning. Then, they actually showed up right on time. Four men with gruff Philly accents that I have never met, then proceeded to touch everything that I own. I admit that part takes some getting used to, but the sitting here while all the packing and loading is done is great. I will never move myself again.
As I sit here mooching off someone's Internet, the guys are loading up the last of my belongings. There has been much ribbing about how many clothes that I have (they actually had to call and have some deliver more boxes), but the move has gone smoothly. They also commented on my obsessive organization, and laughed at me as I walked around behind them picking up trash. I can't help it - I can't leave trash on the floor. Once everything is out of here, I am hoping to grab a quick shower and then I am off to my Sugarland/Kenny Chesney concert. I am actually glad that I have plans because sitting here in a empty dark apartment would be depressing. Last day of in house call ever is tomorrow. I am WAY excited, but after last call expecting the worst. I officially leave Philly on Wednesday. Looks like the last of the boxes are heading out - do you tip these guys and if so how much???? Guess I should have thought of this earlier.
As I sit here mooching off someone's Internet, the guys are loading up the last of my belongings. There has been much ribbing about how many clothes that I have (they actually had to call and have some deliver more boxes), but the move has gone smoothly. They also commented on my obsessive organization, and laughed at me as I walked around behind them picking up trash. I can't help it - I can't leave trash on the floor. Once everything is out of here, I am hoping to grab a quick shower and then I am off to my Sugarland/Kenny Chesney concert. I am actually glad that I have plans because sitting here in a empty dark apartment would be depressing. Last day of in house call ever is tomorrow. I am WAY excited, but after last call expecting the worst. I officially leave Philly on Wednesday. Looks like the last of the boxes are heading out - do you tip these guys and if so how much???? Guess I should have thought of this earlier.
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