Bad Habits

I seem to have developed several bad habits lately. Well, that is not entirely correct, some of them I have had for a while, but they seem to be exacerbated lately. I have always felt that as long as you knew your short comings you were a step up, but am now willing to admit that is just laziness. One should not only recognize their failings, but actively try to correct them. Here is my list:

Cursing - interestingly I didn't start cursing until I became a surgeon. Even then it wasn't a conscious choice, it just happened. My mom is very anti swearing. So much so that to this day, she has never heard me curse. However, my swearing away from my mother has started to bother me. It was one thing when it was an occasional word said in the OR to get a point across. Now, it almost seems that it has become part of my normal vocabulary - I don't even recognize the words as offensive anymore. I am now making a concerted effort - so far so good.

Television - I watched a lot of TV growing up. I always argue this to my friends who don't let their kids watch any TV. I think I turned out okay (for a surgeon). During my surgery training, I all but stopped watching TV altogether. I had so little free time, there was always something else I preferred to be doing. Sometime during the last 9 months, I have become a TV junkie again. It started with TV for background noise, and then winter hit and I certainly didn't want to go outside so TV for distraction. Somehow it all spiraled and my TV was on from the time I got home from work until the time I went to bed. I was getting nothing accomplished. I decided to go cold turkey this weekend. I was post call on Friday. After my nap on the couch, I woke up and started to flip on the TV. I caught myself and realized that if I did that, I would accomplish nothing else that day. Post call days can be difficult days for motivation. Therefore, I walked over and unplugged it. I spent my entire weekend off sans television, and although hard at first, it turned into a very liberating experience. I remembered things that I enjoy doing. I cleaned, walked along the Schuylkill, went shopping, read in the park, did yoga, listened to music, relaxed, etc. I will probably plug my TV back in for a little CNN occasionally, but hopefully I will now realize that life can be good without the talking heads.

Planning my life instead of living it - now this one is harder. I have spent 10 years thinking about what I would do when I "finish my training". I have grand and glorious plans. However, as I approach the end of my training, I haven't really put any of these plans into action. I still keep thinking of all the things that I will do - some day. You know, planning a great life is a lot easier than living one. To live a great life, you have to be involved and take risks. You have to put yourself out there. I once knew how to do that, but am not sure that I remember how anymore. I don't just mean with guys, I am talking about in general. The last time I got involved in something, not medically related was a really long time ago, and I am sure that Kris made me to it. This also pertains to my last bad habit . . .

Hobbies or the lack thereof - I am currently looking for my lost hobbies. I am sure that I had them once, but seem to have misplaced them during one of my moves the last 10 years. Has anyone seen them? I tried to ask around and steal some of my colleagues hobbies, but they don't have any either. They don't even play golf with any regularity. Why is it that my career choice and hobbies don't seem to go together? I think moments of rest and relaxation (i.e. the definition of what hobbies provide) is something I would want my surgeon to have plenty. He/She should feel nice and refreshed before starting my case. I still read occasionally, but not sure that this qualifies. I want to learn to play tennis - someday. I am a girl desperately in need of outside interests - ideas????