Webster's defines confidence as a "a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances." If asked, most people would describe me as a very confident person some would even use the word arrogant. The people who know me best would tell you that a fair degree of my "confidence" is an act to hide my insecurities. I think that is true about a lot of surgeons. Our "arrogance" is often an over exaggerated confidence that we are using to hide our insecurities. The insecurities can come from lots of places, and believe me mine do.
However, my performance at work has never been my insecurity source. I may not be the smartest doctor on the planet, but I am a good surgeon. I have good judgement, good bedside manner, and great hands. Or at least I once thought. The most frustrating part of this whole job search saga is that it has rocked my confidence the one place that it was true and not an act. It has made me question my abilities as a surgeon. I hate it! Why am I giving away power to these men?
I think somewhere deep down inside the confident resourceful girl still exists. I just need to dig deep and find her.
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