Do you ever wonder if they met at a party would your 20 year old self recognize your current self? I don't mean physically. (Don't even get me started on the unexpected side effects of aging.) I mean the inside stuff. Would the person you were at 20 want to have dinner with the person you are now?
I spent the last couple of days in Orlando with a friend from college. It made me realize again how lucky I am in regards to friends. Some of my best friends to this day I made during college. These friends survived through my medical school and surgical training. My friends have stuck by me through infrequent phone calls, last minute cancellations and constant whining about how much residency sucks.
When I see my friends, I can still see the spirit of the person I knew at 20. However, I wonder if they can see the same. I look at the me of now, and am not sure that I can still see the me of 20. I know life experiences are meant to mold the person that you become, but shouldn't the shape still be familiar?
I was optimistic and big hearted. I felt everyone was inherently good. I was quick to give trust and the benefit of the doubt. I thought I could make the world a better place. I was tenderhearted. Books, movies, and even the occasional Hallmark card brought me to tears. I was the ultimate Polly Anna. My glass was always half full, and I was always willing to share. I lived in a world of black and white with clearly recognizable moral absolutes.
What would the 20 year old me think if we met today? Would we be friends? Did enough of that girl survive the things that she has seen and experienced? Did she just don a tough exterior to survive, or did the weight of that experience change the person within. I like to think the former, but sometime I wonder.
I still see the person that you were in college - and I think that much of the person you are now was always in there, too, unsure of how to get out. Life experiences do change and color things, and some of the young innocence we all have just cannot survive - and I think that is a good thing. I think the 20 year old you would think the current you is confident, accomplished, intelligent and interesting. And then she would probably tell her she needs to plan more fun events like her upcoming trip to England!
ReplyDeleteThanks for keeping me company this weekend - I had a good time catching up. I think we all worry about losing the good parts of ourselves - I also sometimes worry if time has changed me into someone I wouldn't want to know. Perhaps thinking about it is a good sign that the "you" is still there.